Posted by: erinmelissa | December 16, 2008

Dear Santa,

How are you?  I’m fine.  Can you believe the big day is only 9 days from now?  I figured it was time to tell you what I want.  But let me preface it by saying, I’ve been very good.  I have been in zero fist fights this year.  For that matter, I’ve only been in one fist fight in my life (except with my brothers, which, as I’m sure you know, can’t be avoided), and I didn’t throw any punches, so I think that should be stricken from my record.

You see, I was at my kindergarten best friend Monica’s house, and we were playing a highly competitive game of Memory.  I was, as is usually the case, winning like crazy.  So, words were exchanged, and after a certain point, Monica said, “If I punched you in the stomach, you would cry.”  I declared that I would not.  So, naturally, she punched me in the stomach.  And, though I wanted to cry, I held it in.  As it happened, her dad came into the room during the aftermath of this punching, and so I asked him to take me home, and Monica and I were no longer best friends.  But, I want you to know that I have forgiven her.  So, please don’t hold this against me.

I have also not stolen any thing this year.  Again, I have only stolen once in my life – at the tender age of ten.  I was at K-Mart in Yakima, and ate one of the candies from the 5 cent candy bins.  I immediately regretted it, and was terrified that the alarm was advanced enough to sense the candy in my belly.  I eventually confessed this to my mom (By eventually, I mean around 23 years of age), so, since I punished myself with guilt, and later repented, I think this should be stricken from the record as well.

I have not put a snowball down anyone’s neck this year.  This has only happened once – when I was about 13 and Chris was about 10.  I paid dearly for that already, when Chris immediately turned so red he almost burst into flame, and he screamed so loud all the icicles fell from the roof.  So, since punishment has already occurred, let’s pretend this strike against me didn’t, okay?

So, now that the formalities are done, what I would really like for Christmas is for Bill Watterson to come out of retirement and begin writing Calvin and Hobbes again.  Is this too much to ask?  I mean, I’ve been really good, and I really miss Calvin and Hobbes.

Thanks in advance,

Your friend,





  1. That made me laugh!!!!

  2. […] Dear Santa […]

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